Horns Up
by ShadowKnight49
Summary: Iron Bull visits Gensokyo, and when he finds Keine Kamishirasawa, he feels rather... 'horny' for her. Bad jokes! Some fluff! Cole being Cole! Keep those horns up, because anything can happen when an ex-mercenary Qunari volunteers as a teacher's assistant for a half-hakutaku!


Chapter 1: Small Beginnings

The door to the classroom of Keine Kamishirasawa opened, and the teacher confidently walked into the room. All four of her students' eyes followed her as she went up to her desk, placed her book on it, and spoke.

"Who's ready for another day of learning?"

The students all cheered, and so did the massively built, horned man in the back.

"Yeah, Keine!" he cried.

As he whooped from the backseat, the students just stared at him in fear as Keine gave him the death stare.

.

 **1 day ago**

.

"The Iron Bull."

The Tal-Vashoth jumped at Cole's sudden voice and turned to the thin boy.

"Geez, Cole, don't scare me like that!" Iron Bull laughed. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

Cole's voice was mournful as he replied, "I don't want to kill you, The Iron Bull!"

Iron Bull chuckled as he slapped Cole on the back. "You know what I mean, Cole, right?"

His face slightly distressed, Cole told him, "Yes. I am trying to get used to these phrases."

Iron Bull smiled. Even though Cole was made more human, he was as weird as ever. As far as Iron Bull was concerned, Cole was like a weird cousin: a bit creepy, but still someone he felt a strong desire to protect.

He shifted his shoulder a bit, remembering the time a Venatori had shot him in the shoulder with an arrow that was meant for Cole. And, of course, he took it for the kid.

Then he remembered that Cole had just shown up. He didn't usually appear to others unless they requested it or they needed him.

"No, I don't have anything to directly help with," Cole said, reading his mind.

"Oh," Iron Bull said. "Well... did you want something?"

"Yes. I do think you could use some help."

Truthfully, Iron Bull didn't disagree. It hadn't been long since Corypheus had been defeated by the Inquisition, and as such all of the people he killed...

He put it aside. Of course, that wouldn't do anything to Cole, who knew that everybody he slaughtered would be stuck to his memory and continue gnawing at him forever.

Accepting the fact that Cole, as usual, was right on the mark, Iron Bull said, "Well then? What do you have for me?"

"Solas left behind some notes that shows you how to get to another world," Cole started.

Iron Bull immediately put his hands in the air and walked away.

"The Iron Bull, wait. When Blackwall and I went there, we became more powerful."

 _That_ got Iron Bull's attention.

 **.**

 **Present day**

 **.**

As Keine continued to teach her class, Iron Bull thought about how boring things were in this strange new world for the time being. From what he had seen, despite the fact that pretty girls flew around and fought other pretty girls in the sky, nothing interesting really happened... for him at least. Nobody was allowed to join in the 'youkai extermination' if they wanted to, and that annoyed the Qunari quite a bit. He wanted to _fight._

There was a bright side, though to be the teacher's assistant: he'd get to watch Keine all he wanted. And, as far as Iron Bull was concerned, she was _hot._

Ridiculously good curves, long white hair, really nice posture, and purity. Purity was hot, in the Iron Bull's personal opinion.

Unfortunately for him, unlike a good portion of women out there (as he told himself), Keine clearly didn't want to 'ride the bull.' She was nice when they first met, but after she got a taste of what he was like, she acted like he was the scum of the earth. She was uptight and strict, something Iron Bull found slightly irritating yet hot.

Well, he wouldn't push her too hard if she didn't want to.

Since Cole had asked pretty much all of their friends who would want to come along to this strange new world, the only ones he had convinced were Iron Bull and Blackwall. Solas was still missing, Varric was writing his next book, Vivienne thought this was a waste of time, Cassandra was working hard to fix up the Inquisition, Dorian had gone to talk to the Tevinter, and apparently the Inquisitor was dealing with 'personal issues' at the moment.

Iron Bull hadn't seen much of Cole since they came here and hadn't seen Blackwall at all, but he was fine with that. It'd only been one day so far and Cole promised they'd get together at some point. Apparently, the skinny boy had befriended a... living drum or something, while Blackwall was serving as a second gatekeeper for a vampire.

 _Well,_ Iron Bull thought, _at least things aren't so complicated for me._

"Iron Bull!"

He jumped as his name was shouted out of the blue, and the children snickered.

Iron Bull turned to Keine, who was the one who called him, and said, "Uh, yeah?"

Keine, hands on her hips, glared at him in disapproval, and grumbled, "Why do I even bother..." She sighed and told him, "Can you _please_ hand out the quizzes?" She slapped a hand on the pile of papers on the desk next to her.

Iron Bull blinked with his good eye and pointed out, "You're closer to it, though."

One of the students, an ice fairy, burst into a fit of laughter, and the others followed. Iron Bull grinned as Keine fixed him with a withering look.

Cole was weird, but his antics made it easy to make Keine squirm. And that was something Iron Bull loved seeing.

Keine covered her face with her hands and let out a long groan. When she took them away, she said, "Just... pass out... the dam-darned papers!"

Figuring she'd had enough, Iron Bull got up and did as he was asked. The kids were giving out little, dying chuckles and Keine's glare burned into the back of Iron Bull's head.

That wouldn't earn him any points to getting her in bed, but it was worth it.

The quiz was finished, Iron Bull took them (without any jokes) to Keine, and class was dismissed. The Qunari took a nap in a corner as she graded them.

"Iron Bull."

With a snort, Iron Bull woke up. Keine's eyes were hard as she looked at him from her desk, but she wasn't scowling or glaring this time.

"Thank you for your help today," she said diplomatically. "I'll be going now, and you should be as well."

Without turning back, she exited the schoolhouse. Stretching his limbs, Iron Bull got up and followed suit.

In the trees nearby the schoolhouse was a tent big enough for him (and his horns), along with a campfire and supplies he brought along. Cole told him that Blackwall was making arrangements for him to have a home, so these were humble beginnings.

In truth, Iron Bull missed Skyhold, the cozy tavern, and especially the Chargers. But he decided to stick around for the time being. Something interesting may happen.

Might have a chance to cave someone's head in with his axe. On that happy thought, he began to cook his dinner.

 **.**

With her drumming finished, Raiko Horikawa blew her hair out of her face and wiped the sweat off her forehead and grinned at the young man down in the stands.

"How do you like _that_?" she asked.

Cole looked up at her and said, "It was good."

"Pfft, only 'good?'"

"Well... you missed a few beats and there was a _thunk_ at one point."

Raiko considered this and smiled. "Okay, thanks, Cole."

Cole nodded, then said, "I'll go now. I have to see The Iron Bull."


End file.
